Defiant Ducky

PONDERISMS

� I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.

� There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

� Life is sexually transmitted.

� Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

� The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

� Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

� Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

� Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

� All of us could take a lesson from the weather.. It pays no attention
to criticism.

� In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

� How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

� Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll
squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?’


� If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?



� If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

� If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

� Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


� Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?

� Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

� Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?